WARNING: The following is an awful, horrible message but one that we must
post. If you've had car trouble today or if your rent check is overdue,
please spare yourself this added stress and log off. For those of you who enjoy the
masochistic side of life, read on. . . .
You brave and intrepid would-be rescuers of the precious Baudelare orphans,
we're afraid we have bad news. . . DOUBLE bad news, actually, for not only did
we miss capturing that scoundrel, Count Olaf but we fear his shiftyness and
diabolical intentions now include another even more horrendous art. We believe
he has somehow come into the secret of controlling the weather!! What more can
we expect these children to endure? Is Violet having her hair brushed properly
each day? Does Klaus get a comic book now and then? And Sunny, dear, sweet
Sunny. . .Ah, but I digress.
We'd finished two weeks of research and decided we'd finally found the
Count's new hiding place somewhere in the Northwest. We hopped on the red eye
plotting to rise at the crack of dawn to track him down, like the RAT that he is!
Somehow, he knew--he found out our plans as the morning's dawn was obscured by
the pitiful drumming of a solid rain the likes of which hadn't been seen for
WEEKS! I tell you, Olaf had something to do with this!!
Undaunted, we procured rain gear and mustered the moxy needed to bushwhack
hip-high ferns, dripping evergreens and the dreaded stinging nettles thinking
nothing of our own pain and discomfort--those POOR, POOR children, after all!!
As we approached Olaf's secret camp we thought we heard a low, pathetic
sobbing but we were too late! He'd made off with them AGAIN! Left only with crude
scrawling in some sort of journal and a rude image of his repulsive self, we
stood there soaking, saddened and skunked. . . once again. Oh that our tears for
those forlorn little angels could buy their freedom, for we've spilled enough
of them over the months!
We implore you all, never give up!
Respectfully submitted,
~~Doublesaj & Old Blue~~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]